From the Book - First edition.
How to be a depressive-in-training as a child. Babyhood: early practice in crying while making eye contact with strangers ; Let's make a family tree: where every fruit is a mood disorder ; Pediatric health: learning to say no to life with your body ; Defining moments: one big trauma or one million incedental ones ; Hell is other kids: develop a social anxiety on the playground that will come in handy as an adult ; Nightlight chats with a half-Jewish god: the depressive-in-training's guide to faith ; Birthday wishes: that my tenth b-day pass by unmentioned ; School: a hideous microcosm of the world
How to cultivate your depression as a young adult. Your first therapist: convince her that she fixed you at the end of every session, then go home for more suffering ; "College," people say, "They're the best years of your life": prove them wrong ; Alcohol and drugs: figure out how self-medication fits into your lifestyle ; The pharma shuffle: go off and on and off and on various meds in an endless, shoddy, poorly organized, barely controlled experiment on your own body ; Socializing for the burgeoning depressive: or, I have nothing to offer, so I brought nothing to the party ; Healthy relationships won't serve you now: sad, desperate sexual encounters allow you to pretend you're not depressed, but merely struggling through Act 2 of an Indie about a young girl discovering her self-worth ; Collapse dead at the finish line: get a job and a life and then self-destruct over the course of many months in a performance piece called "Actually, the depression won, but look, I totally gave it a go!"
How to become a depressed grown-up. Home is where you cry the loudest: the depressive decorates ; Do your crying on a cat: curling up in the comfort of pets ; You're a real depresso now and you're ready for your uniform: the depressive and fashion ; Eat to not die, don't not die to eat: the depressive chef ; Cozy up at rock bottom with a good book: the depressive reads
How to take your fully actualized depression into the wider world and (gasp) go outside. Make peace with sunshine: the depressive ventures outdoors ; Bad-weather friends: let your depressive antisocial habits destroy thin friendships, reveal the real troupers, and make way for more depressors ; Explore the whole "having a body" thing as a break from the prison of your mind: the depressive on fitness and diet ; Let's do it, let's fall in love: run into the ocean of love with your depression shoes still on ; Get serious about your healing: but don't actually heal until you're in the mood
Conclusion: off you go, then!
